Pre-Travel Information

What is a Homeland Tour?

A Homeland Tour is an opportunity for your adopted child to visit and see the country that they originated from. Everyone needs a sense of identity. This is even more important for adopted child, because they were removed from their original culture so early in life. To have no firsthand memories of the country they were born in can be difficult and confusing. By giving your adopted child an opportunity to see their birthcountry, they can fill in a part of their identity.

There are two different parts to a Homeland Tour: The Cultural Tour and the Orphanage Tour.
Families can choose to do both, or just the cultural tour.

Cultural Tour

The cultural tour is the sightseeing part of the tour. One of the main reasons homeland tours are good for adopted children is because they can learn about their birthcountry's culture firsthand . It is quite different from cultural festivals within the U.S. This a chance for a child to see with their own eyes the culture that they were born into. The opportunity to experiencing it for themselves is an amazing gift. Cultural tours include visits to famous landmarks, traditional food, and visits to urban and rural areas of the birthcountry. Most importantly though, the adopted child has an opportunity to hear the language, smell the smells, and meet the people of their birthcountry for themselves . The idea is for the adopted child to get their very own perspective of the country where they came from.

Orphanage Tour

An additional part of most homeland tours is the orphanage visit. An orphanage visit is an opportunity for adoptive families and the adopted child to return to the orphanage where he or she spent the early parts of his or her life. This part of the tour is optional because it can be emotional and some parents or children simply are not ready for it. If done prematurely or unexpectedly it can turn into a negative experience, when it is intended to be a positive experience.

How to Decide if Your Family is Ready for a Homeland Tour

The research shows the following information in regard to the most appropriate age to bring a child back to the birthcountry and the emotional stability necessary for both the child and the parents.

Age of Child

The most appropriate age for an adopted child to return to their birthcountry is between the ages of 8 and 10. A child's readiness should be determined on a case by case basis, but if a child is too young, they will not have the capability to reflect upon their experiences. If they are too far into adolescence it could be a negative experience since they are already dealing with so many identity issues. In addition, after the age of 10, children become much more resistant to change. They may see the negative aspects of their birthcountry before the positive. If families do want to go when their child is an adolescent, it is only recommended if the adolescent expresses interest. Going before they are adolescents shows them that their birthcountry is important to the family. Finally, it may help them work through identity issues in adolescence if they have been to their birthcountry and have already started to think about that part of their identity. They most likely will be more comfortable with themselves and will know what to tell their friends about their background.

Emotional Stability for Child and Parents

Regardless of age, a child simply may not be ready for a trip to their homecountry, and a big determinant of that is their emotional stability. In addition, the parents should reflect on their readiness to go on the trip also. It is important that both the child and the parents are going on the trip for the right reasons. Families should ask themselves how much the child really knows about their culture and about their personal history in their homecountry before they were adopted. How ready will they be to learn things that they might not know already? There are many questions that both parents and children should ask themselves to decide whether they are ready for a homeland tour or not.

Once You Decide to Go, Here are Some Things to Think About:

Congratulations! You have thought long and hard about this decision and now you have decided to take the powerful trip back to your child's birthcountry. The thought process and emotional preparation is not over yet though! In fact, as the research suggests, it has only just begun. Below you will find advice for what to think about now and how to best prepare yourself for this amazing, emotional, and exciting trip back to China. As you will see the more you talk about the trip the better and there are projects you can do before you go to facilitate this discussion. These projects are also ways to prepare something to give back to the orphanage, if it is your decision to go back there.

Talk about the Cultural Differences

Obviously, the United States and China are very different. You saw, smelled, and experienced those differences when you went to China to pick up your child for the first time. Yet, for many of us, it is impossible to know the extent of those differences, and your child, depending on how old they were when they were adopted, may be oblivious. They may know about the holidays, food, and other traditions from cultural events and activities that you do here in the United States, yet, life in China is still hard to imagine if they have spent most of their life living in the United States. It is important that you talk to your child extensively about these differences before you make the journey back.

There are two emphases specifically you should make. First, make sure to approach the cultural differences in a positive light. Just because the Chinese eat different food and speak a different language does not make them inferior to the people in the United States. The differences are just that – different. There is no right or wrong attached. When approaching this discussion about culture with your child, one suggestion is to start with naming the similarities between China and the United States. Then maybe when they first arrive in China the differences will not be so glaring. After all, we are all just humans. We all eat, we all go to the bathroom, we all sleep – we just have different ideas of how and when these things should be done.

Also, it can be enlightening to celebrate the differences. In a way, the differences are what make this world an exciting place to live! Just think, we can go to the other side of the world and feel like we are on another planet! It can be strange and uncomfortable at first, but on the flip side, it can be so incredible and exhilarating! How boring would the world be if we were all the same? The amazing and beautiful thing about the human race is that we are all the same species who live on the same planet – yet we can live such different lives. These are the kind of thoughts you want to discuss with your child before you bring them back to a country – the country they were born in and identify with- that is so different from what they are used to. The idea is for them to get a positive view of their country and not a negative, “why are they so strange?” view.

The second topic that is essential to discuss is global poverty. Obviously, your child has been lucky enough to be adopted by you and to grow up in the most affluent country in the world. Yet, for that reason, the poverty they will see in China may come as a shock to them if they are not prepared for it beforehand. Furthermore, if they have started to think critically about how and why their birthparents could not take care of them, the poverty issue most likely has arose. For these reasons, it is important to talk about it. Depending on where and how you live here in the United States, chances are even if they have talked about it and heard about it, they have not seen it or experienced poverty firsthand. The research suggests that you start domestically. Have a conversation with your child about the poverty in the United States. Talk about how all people do not have a nice, warm, well-maintained home like what they have. Talk about how all people do not have a job, and possibly even a family unlike most families they know. Then extend the conversation to life in other countries. Talk about how other countries simply do not have as much income as the United States and the affect it has on people in the country. Once again, poverty does not make the country better or worse – it is just different.

Next, have a discussion with your family about what exactly you want to learn about Chinese culture once you are there. Do you want to focus on the arts, the main attractions, or every day life? What you want to learn will influence how you decide to spend your time once you are there. Pay particular attention to what your adopted child wants to learn – after all this is the country they were born in.

Also, keep in mind that while your child will blend in to an extent, they will also stick out. Depending on how your child acts and talks, it will become clear that your child has not grown up in China, they have grown up in the United States. The reactions of people may be positive or negative, regardless; it is just something to note. While your child may look the same to an extent, the fact that they are different will become obvious.

Finally, just as suggested when families first travel to China, it is respectful to attempt to speak some Chinese. It is important to show the Chinese that you have at least tried to say “hello” and “thank you” in their language. This is especially beneficial for your child. It should make them feel special and more in touch with their identity if they can speak a few words of their native tongue to the people of their country. Besides, to show your child that you care enough about their culture to learn some phrases in their country's language is so important. It is just another way to show your child that their identity and culture is important to you and your family.

Focus on Your Adopted Child

While this trip may be special to you, it should be extremely special and positive experience for your adopted child. Therefore, it is essential that the child creates their very own memories of their trip. A great way to do this is to have your child bring their own camera around while they are in China. Let them take pictures of what strikes them! What do they want to remember? What is important to them? Letting them take their own pictures and create their own photo album is a great way for them to remember a trip that added a piece of the puzzle to their identity questions

Once again, this trip is supposed to be a positive and enlightening experience for your adopted child, but inevitably there will be times that are draining and stressful. A suggestion for how to comfort your child when he or she is stressed is to bring along one of two of their favorite things from home. Therefore when they feel lost or confused they can be reminded that they have a home and a place they can go to be comforted.

Focus on You

Not only will this trip be emotional for your child, it will also be emotional for you. Make sure to ask yourself the same questions you ask your child. Are you ready for this? What do you want to see and experience? What do you want to remember? What will be difficult for you to face? Talk about and journal about your feelings before, after, and during your trip. This trip is for your child, but will be special for you also, so you do want to keep track of your emotions. Also, you want your child to be honest with you about their feeling regarding the trip, and adversely it is important for you to be honest with yourself and your family about any worries or excitement you have. These feelings are good and normal! Of course there will be both positive and negative emotions. Feel free to express them all, but make sure that you handle your emotions appropriately in front of your child. You want to acknowledge your emotions, but at the same time, you do not want your child to feel like they must be as worried as you or as excited as you. Basically, there should be room for both you and your child to express what they are feeling without overly influencing the other.

Suggestions for what to Do before you Go

There are several suggestions for projects you can do before you go. These projects can serve two purposes: help you create something that you can take back and help you emotionally prepare for the trip. Some suggested projects are: a fundraising project to purchase gifts for the orphanage and creating a photo album of your child's life to leave at the orphanage. Another way to give back to the orphanage is to consider sponsoring a child. Any other way to create a long term connection is also recommended. More logistically, keeping a checklist of what should be done to properly be prepared for the trip and keeping a journal of your emotions before, after, and during your trip. Any and all of these suggestions will help you think about and prepare for your trip.

Orphanage/Birthparents

While it is important to know beforehand whether you want to visit your child's orphanage or not, another question to ask yourself is: Are you going to actively look for the birthparents? First of all, this will prove to be a challenging task. It is recommended that you do not promise your adopted child anything, if this is their wish. It is hard to know what will happen once you get there, and you do not want to set up your child for disappointment. Finally, if this is your family's long time goal, you can set short term goals to finding pertinent information on this trip. Once again, this is a difficult goal to achieve, especially if your child is from an urban area, but stranger things have happened. At least considering your feelings concerning your child's birthparents is beneficial, no matter what your intentions are.

Final Suggestion

In closing, the most important thing to remember is that the more you talk about the homeland tour with your family the better. Any and all “what if” questions you can think of are encouraged to be discussed. Make sure everyone expresses their emotions and that you know where everyone stands. Next, make sure your family is aware of the schedule of the trip. Knowing what your main goal for the trip is important. Finally, good luck with all the preparation and enjoy the amazing exploration of your child's culture and birthcountry!