A Family Comes Together

Christmas came early to the Stanton Family this year. Katy and I got the best gift ever when, on December 3rd, I adopted my second daughter, Hope Xiao Chi, from China. Katy went with me on this wonderful trip to her homeland to get her sister. It was a special time for all of us. The story of how we came to be a family really begins about 8 years ago in March 1995 when I first flew to China to adopt a tiny baby named Jiang Min (Katy) from Jiangsu Province. The love of my life, Katy and I have grown close since her adoption nearly eight years ago. In recent years however, I began to wonder if there wasn't enough love in our family for another child. Katy loved the idea of being a big sister, and I loved being a mom. So, I decided to adopt again and, having fallen in love with China since Katy's arrival, there was nowhere else I would consider for another child. Thus began months of "paper chasing": home study, court approval, consulate approval, INS approval. Finally our documents were ready and in March 2001 our dossier arrived in China to wait for a child to be referred to us.

In early September, I heard about a four year old girl, Guo Xiao Chi, whom the Chinese government had just identified as available for adoption. Because of an injury to her sciatic nerve, Xiao Chi walked with a limp and was designated as "special needs". Would I consider adopting this little girl? my agency asked; thoughtfully and prayerfully I considered. As I prayed I felt the Spirit assuring me that this was indeed the child for me. And, as if for confirmation, Katy's passport, which I had applied for weeks earlier, arrived in the mail that same day. I wrote a letter to the Chinese Adoption officials asking them to allow me to adopt Xiao Chi, whom I would name Hope. My agency told me to expect approval around January or February, so I was happily surprised, but also unprepared when I got a call on November 1st advising me I had been approved and we would depart November 28th.

Less than a week after Thanksgiving, Katy and I left home early on Wednesday, November 28th, anticipating something new and special for which to be thankful. From Phoenix we flew to Los Angeles where we met up with Beth, another single mom, who was traveling with her 7 year old daughter, Teagan, and her mom (AKA "Nana"), to adopt a 3 year old girl from the same orphanage as Hope. Beth and I had corresponded by e-mail prior to the trip as had Katy and Teagan. We would complete our adoptions together.

After a 12 hour flight from Los Angeles to Beijing, Katy and Teagan were fast friends. We arrived in late afternoon and spent a restful night at our hotel. The following day was cold and sunny, we toured the Forbidden City in the morning, just before lunch we got a tour of a cloisonné factory and in the afternoon toured a pearl factory and climbed the Great Wall, no easy trek. On the way back to the hotel we were able to visit a medical clinic that used strictly herbal medicines and evaluated our medical conditions using just our pulse. It was a wonderful but exhausting day, and we still wanted to see Tienneman Square. However Beijing is so far north it gets dark very early and Katy had fallen asleep on the tour bus on the way home, so while others of our group stopped briefly to view Tienneman, I stayed at the bus with her and that will have to wait for a future visit. We all slept very well that night.

The next day the Beth, Teagan, Nana, Katy and I flew from Beijing to Guangzhou (in Southern China near Hong Kong) and from there we flew to the city of Zhanjiang (even farther south near Hainan Island) where we had an appointment scheduled at the orphanage where our girls awaited us. We had a wonderful Chinese coordinator who met us in Guangzhou and who stayed with us and helped us through each step of the adoption. Because of plane delays, we drove directly from the airport in Zhanjiang to the orphanage without the stop at the hotel we had originally planned. At the orphanage we were taken to a small room where we met the children. Several of the Aunties (what the Chinese call the orphanage caregivers) were there. Both Hope and Holly (Beth's name her daughter) were dressed in brand new matching outfits and had ribbons or barrettes in their hair. Both girls also had been given small backpacks with snacks, a couple photos of their aunties and friends and a small toy or book. It was clear these were cherished gifts of love. We had the opportunity to spend a little time with the girls, sign some paperwork, give some gifts and then it was time to leave, the girls were now our responsibility and care. Although Hope left the orphanage fairly easily as soon as we arrived at the hotel she began to sob uncontrollably and was able to tell our coordinator that she wanted to go back. Certainly this was very overwhelming and confusing to her.

We spent the night at a hotel in Zhanjiang before flying back to Guangzhou where the adoption was finalized the following day. We remained in Guangzhou at the very beautiful White Swan Hotel for the next 10 days. During this time we had appointments for visas, passports, medical exams for the girls to make sure everything was in order for the trip home. We also did a lot of sight seeing: visited several museums, a Buddhist temple, an aviary and the zoo. There was a playroom at the hotel that all the girls enjoyed and we had down time just hanging out and shopping. I picked up a few phrases of Cantonese and Hope picked up a few words of English. Although we were ready to go home by the end of our stay, I am glad the time in China allowed Hope to become more comfortable with her new family before we came home. She began to allow me to comfort her and when we were on the long flight home she was willing to let me hold her while she slept.

Since we have been home Hope has become more relaxed, smiles are frequent and occasionally she will give an unsolicited kiss or hug, especially to Katy. When she is hurt, tired or sad, I am the person she seeks for comfort and solace. My plans are for her to start Kindergarten next fall (she turned 5 on October 20th so that would have been her normal start time) provided language acquisition and development is on track. She is very slight in stature (about the size Katy was when she was 3) and her nerve injury which is currently being evaluated by Pediatric specialists. She has loads of personality and catches on to everything very quickly. She is learning English by immersion and uses sign language (formal and informal) to communicate her needs and wants with little difficulty. She has gone through and will continue to go through some expected grieving for her familiar life in China, yet day by day she grows more attached to mama and big sister.

Katy is 2.5 years older than Hope and generally loves being the "jiejie" (big sister), but is having some difficulty accepting the fact that she has to share her mom to reap the big sister benefits. Katy is in Second Grade this year at Salk Elementary, she is an excellent student who receives many complements from her teachers and is well liked by all her classmates. The trip to China was a real bonus for her. She loved seeing the country of her birth and especially the Great Wall and Forbidden City that she had seen in picture and video. I expected that Hope's adoption would raise questions about her own, but she has not chosen to voice them if it has. She is a smart and happy girl and a big help to her mama.

The Psalmist said "Children are a gift of the Lord...How blessed is the man [or woman] whose quiver is full of them." (Psalm 127:3a, 5a) My quiver is now full, and my family is complete. I am finding that two children is neither easier nor more difficult than one, but the pleasures make the difficulties worthwhile. Right now I am staying home with Hope to help her adjustment, at the end of February I will return to my job as a recruiter at JP Morgan Chase and Hope will stay with my next door neighbor who also cares for Katy after school. The three of us will continue to be involved with Families with Children from China - Arizona, where I have served as a board member for the past 3 years. We are looking forward to the Chinese New Year Celebration of the Year of the Horse in February and to seeing our travel group again at the Children's Hope International Annual Reunion in August.

If you are so inclined you may email Robin at mom2katy_n_hope@yahoo.com or Katy at katydog7@yahoo.com.