Meeting their motherland

                           Trips to China give adopted children sense of heritage, belonging                                

Scott Craven

The Arizona Republic

May. 27, 2004 12:00 AM
 

THE 11-YEAR-OLD GIRL HUGGED THE OLD woman she had met just a few hours ago, her heart breaking
under  the weight of goodbye. They had exchanged only a few words, the language barrier too much to overcome
in the busy orphanage. It was enough knowing that the bond between nanny and infant forged a decade ago was
still there.

Jing Hamilton had gone to Nanjing, China, to find her birth mother, a woman she'd always thought about

while growing up in Phoenix with the only mom she had ever known. Instead, Jing discovered her past,

and the feeling that she belonged.

Jing, the adoptive daughter of Gillian Hamilton of Phoenix, is one of a growing number of children returning to
China to explore their homeland and discover their heritage. The thousands who were adopted by American
parents shortly after China opened adoptions in 1992 are turning an age that brings questions about who they
are and where they come from.

Several travel companies are arranging tours to the cities from which these children came, arranging

visits to the orphanages where many of them spent a year or more before coming to America.

Becca Piper, who has arranged such tours for children from Korea, Russia, India and several South

American countries, said she has received at least 6,000 inquiries from parents of Chinese-born children

over the past five years and organized her first trip in 2002.

"This (China) is by far our biggest area of interest right now," said Piper of Adoptive Family Travel, based in
Wauwatosa, Wis., just outside Milwaukee.

Chinese adoptions have increased steadily since 1992, when 206 children were adopted by American parents,
according to Families With Children From China, a national organization that links parents to provide information and support. In 2003,  there were 6,859 such adoptions, bringing the total to 40,336 adoptions in 11 years, according to the group's figures.

For years, Hamilton had planned to return to China with Jing, who was 18 months old when she was adopted. Once Hamilton's son (Michael, 4, from Guatemala) was old enough for the long journey, Hamilton booked the trip with Adoptive Family Travel."Ever since Jing could talk, she's wanted to go back and find her mother," Hamilton said. "She said she would never be happy until she found her."

The Hamiltons (Gillian, Jing, Michael and 13-year-old Susanna, adopted from Peru) joined several other families on the trip, each with children curious about their roots. For two weeks in April, they explored everything from the Great Wall to a town set up to care for foster children.

Now back at her Phoenix home, Jing talked about the wonders of the Forbidden City and the beauty of the countryside. But the memory she cherishes is the one of meeting her nanny at the orphanage.

As soon as the elevator opened, she saw the elderly woman, her arms outstretched to welcome back her former charge. She folded Jing gently to her chest as if no time had passed.

"She's taken care of hundreds of kids, but she remembered me," Jing said. "I will never forget her; I will never forget the orphanage as long as I live."

Such is the impact on many Chinese-American children returning to their homeland, said Piper. She started the Ties Program, which brought children back to their birth country, when she realized how emotionally healthy such trips were for them. Social workers accompany each group to help parents and children cope with their feelings.

The tour's goal is to bring families in contact with people, in addition to the usual tourist sites, Piper said. She's found that children visiting the most poverty-stricken areas will remember only the smiles of the residents

"It's a healthy, healing experience," Piper said. "These children see they are not so different after all. They focus on the warmth these people offer instead of the things they don't have. We want kids to be proud of their heritage and never be ashamed of where they came from."

Ed de la Fuente hopes one day to take his 2 1/2-year-old daughter, Eva, back to China to meet her foster mother, with whom he has kept in touch since the adoption nearly two years ago. He realizes that opportunity is not afforded most children adopted in China.

"I want her to know the person who took care of her, to see how much she was loved before she came here," de la Fuente said. "Because I know there will be a hole in her life and I want to fill it in as much as possible."

Some adoption coordinators urge parents-to-be to give serious thought to a return trip once their children are old enough to appreciate their culture and heritage.

Cory Barren, spokesperson for Children's Hope International, a St. Louis-based agency that assists in hundreds of adoptions from China each year, said families are encouraged to keep the culture alive in the home. It also suggests a return to China when children are between 10 and 12, an age when it's believed children get the most out of such a journey, Barren said.

He said most adopted children are 6 when they start asking difficult questions, including "Why was I adopted?" and "Why don't many people look like me?" A trip to China can be valuable in answering many of those questions.

'They are going to wonder about their place in the family," Barren said. "The best thing is to expose them to the country they were born in. They can be more comfortable with who they are."

Ron and Debbie Whitler of Goodyear are expecting even more difficult questions from their three adopted daughters, questions that can be fully answered only with a trip to China.

One day, Whitler said, her 6-, 4- and 2-year-old daughters will wonder why their biological families gave them up, a time when such comments as, "Girls aren't wanted in China" will make an indelible impression.

That's when, together, they will seek the answers, visiting China in hopes their children will develop a love for their birth country as well as empathy for birth families.

"When you visit China, you see the societal and political pressures that have backed some people into a corner and given them no choice but to make an unbearable decision," Whitler said. "You see how the Chinese cherish their children."

Along with the souvenirs Jing brought home, including a tiny handmade basket containing soap given to her by children in the orphanage, was the connection she now feels to her birth country.

She sorted through the photos that recorded the trip, looking at the dozens of like faces staring back at her.

"I felt like I belonged there," she said. "Everyone was the same as me. Not that we all looked alike, but the eyes or hair were alike. Here I'm not like anyone, but that's OK, too."

Jing never did find her biological mother. Not after she spoke with a Nanjing TV station and newspaper that shared her story. Not after visiting the cities and villages peering into the eyes of older women, hoping she would see a look of recognition.

While among people who obviously cared for one another, and meeting the nanny who remembered her among the hundreds of children she nurtured, Jing was not nearly as worried about her birth mom.

"I think she's safe and sound, pretty OK," Jing said. "I just didn't want her to be on the streets. Now I think she's somewhere good, probably on a farm. That's how I think of her now."