As conversations go, this one is a
swift kick in the stomach. Thanksgiving and Christmas bring in
old friends and distant family to ?catch up?, and everyone seems
to have an opinion on international adoption. Caught in the
conversational crossfire, parents-in-waiting are targets of the
well-intentioned.
?It?s nice to talk about the hopes
and dreams I have for my baby once he or she comes home,? said
adoptive mom-to-be Mary Alders. ?But with the delays we?ve
experienced our wait to adopt has been grueling. It can be very
depressing listening to family members discuss our adoption
process in a casual or negative way. I don?t think they realize
what they are doing, but I seriously doubt that they would tell
a pregnant woman that perhaps her long wait means she is
obviously making a big mistake!?
Even parents-in-waiting with
sensitive and considerate family members may feel a little
alienated from the holiday festivities. Adoption can be
emotionally similar to a pregnancy with all of its
roller-coaster ups and downs, but it engenders very little of
the societal support that is triggered by a big belly. The
emotional needs of parents-in-waiting are often ignored simply
because family and friends are unaware of how very difficult the
long wait to adopt can be.
Simple gestures can mean a lot to
adoptive parents-in-waiting. A show of hope, love and
encouragement from relatives and from other adoptive parents can
help ease the waiting parent?s wistful longing, especially
during holiday get-togethers teeming with other people?s
children.
What can experienced adoptive
parents do to help? This holiday season, send a card to your
favorite parents-in-waiting and address it to their baby-to-be.
Write a welcoming note in the card, and express your joy at the
thought of the baby?s eventual arrival, and membership into the
family. A donation to a children?s charitable foundation in
honor of the baby is another proactive acknowledgment of a
family?s decision to adopt, and a blessing on their wait.
Picture frames, scrapbooks and
supplies, adoption magazine subscriptions and adoption-themed
ornaments are thoughtful holiday gifts for parents-in-process. A
stuffed animal, or a doll, are both symbolic presents under the
Christmas tree for the absent child being held in the parents?
hearts. Cards, notes and adoption-related gifts are concrete
markers?visible proof that waiting adoptive parents are moving
slowly but surely toward familyhood. These remembrances from
friends and relatives validate the ?expectant? parents?
feelings, and note the parents? Olympian efforts to peaceably
endure the challenging aspects of the adoption waiting process.
Copyright 2007, MacLeod, All Rights Reserved
Jean MacLeod is author of At Home in This World: a China
Adoption Story, and co-editor of Adoption Parenting: Creating a
Toolbox, Building Connections and mother of three daughters, two
of whom were adopted from China through Children?s Hope. From
one adoptive parent to another, Jean shares her wisdom here in
the monthly e-news and in the quarterly Children?s Hope
Newsletter.
Don?t forget your gift of $10 can provide
a gift for an orphan.
2007 Children's Hope International.
All rights reserved.