In spring 2005,
while on my daughters’ municipality web site, I noticed a photo
of a girl who had a very strong resemblance to my daughter
Hayley, especially since Hayley does not posses the regional
look common for that area.
Leah’s
mother had also noticed the resemblance between the two girls
and we contacted each other. For the next 17 months we sent
photos, emails and videos of the girls to each other. We also
talked on the phone but never mentioned our suspicions to the
girls that they could be related. For the longest time whenever
Hayley saw Leah’s picture via email she thought it was herself.
Hayley’s younger sister would point to the photo of Leah on the
computer screen and say “sissy”.
We were cautious
in thinking that the girls could possibly be siblings. We knew
if we were actually lucky enough to find our child’s sibling
there would be many issues involved in the discovery and what it
means to them, to our family and the sibling’s family. This
would be a long term commitment. You do not get to choose the
family that has adopted your child’s sibling. It may or may not
be a compatible match between the families. Once you’ve made the
connection, you can’t go back and pretend not to “know”. We had
to consider how our children would feel about the discovery of
the relationship and, in our case, how Hayley’s other sibling
would feel about this relationship.
There are also
significant financial and lifestyle concerns with finding a
sibling and maintaining the relationship. DNA testing is not an
exact science when it comes to establishing sibling-ship when
you can not test at least one biological parent. You need to be
able to live with less than 100% conclusive results and accept
negative results with grace. There are many skeptics when it
comes to finding biological matches and many parents have been
attacked for choosing to test their child. Both families took
the responsibility very seriously and discussed many issues
before proceeding with the DNA testing of the girls, including
what score from the DNA results we would consider conclusive,
and we set the bar high. I also did research on DNA testing and
talked with other families that had also found their child’s’
Chinese sibling before embarking on this journey. This journey
is not for everyone.
Both families felt
comfortable with going ahead with the DNA testing of the girls
after establishing a relationship over the past 17 months.
Family members also saw striking resemblances between the girls,
not only in their appearance but in their personalities, likes
and dislikes. We chose a lab that tested 19 markers using the
specific Asian Database from the region that they are from.
After a LONG two week wait in May the DNA testing was 98.2%
conclusive that the girls are siblings! The girls birth days
are eight days apart (one actual and one estimated because one
daughter was given up one month after birth) so currently we
know that they are sisters but feel comfortable in thinking that
they are fraternal twins. It will take additional testing to
conclude that. The girls refer to each other as “sissy”. Both
families were thrilled with the news! I knew in my heart that
the girls were sisters. We feel blessed to know that Hayley has
another sister from China and both families have made the
commitment to nurture this relationship.
A trip was
arranged to have Hayley and Leah meet in September 2006. Leah’s
mom had asked Leah what she wanted to do with Hayley when she
came to Ohio and Leah said, “Take her to see Lake Erie and JUMP
on my bed!” When I asked Hayley what she wanted to do while in
Ohio (not knowing Leah’s response) she said, “Have a pillow
fight!”
The
girls chatted excitedly on the phone about the upcoming trip.
Hayley made a countdown calendar to count down the days until
“Sissy Day!” When Hayley and Leah met for the first time in Ohio
they hugged, giggled, chased each other and ran through the
airport like they were best of friends and that they had known
each other forever. The six days that Hayley and I spent in Ohio
with Leah and her family was the beginning of a wonderful,
blessed journey for both families. The girls acted silly, sang
songs, had tea parties, wrestled, jumped on the bed, had their
pillow fight and got to know each other.
We
were amazed at the similarities between the two girls but also
saw some differences. Both families got along very well and
Hayley and I were welcomed in to Leah’s family with open arms.
We were lucky enough to meet Leah’s extended family and friends
while we were there and everyone was excited and happy for the
girls. It was fun trying to trick family and friends by swapping
Hayley for Leah! Strangers would ask if the girls were twins.
Saying goodbye at
the airport was met with sadness as the girls wrestled one more
time, pretended to call each other on the pay phones, said their
“I love you’s” and hugged goodbye.
Since we have been
home the girls have remained in contact with each other, they
talk on the phone, send each other emails and pictures and think
of each other often. Hayley really wants to go back to Ohio to
play in the snow. The girls have a bond that will last a
lifetime and it has only just begun to blossom. It is a true
miracle and double blessing that the girls have been reunited
with each other once again.
–Kathy Wong, AZ
You
Must Really 
Children’s
Hope
“I
Have a Sister and She Lives In Ohio”