As Mother?s Day
approached, I consider all that has changed in these
seven years since I became mom to two beautiful
daughters. I recall?with some emotional trepidation?how
difficult our struggle to become parents was?through
years of coping with infertility, undergoing the
premature birth of our oldest daughter and compiling an
unwieldy stack of documents to fulfill the adoption of
our youngest through Children's Hope. But my thoughts also turn to another
mother who has invariably helped to create my family?my
youngest daughter?s birthmother.
We
adopted our daughter, Ella Li Xia, from China when she
was 10-months-old in December, 2002. She was placed at
the gate of the Hepu Social Welfare Institute in the
Guangxi Autonomous Region when she was three days old.
Like with most children adopted from China, only meager
information is available about her beginning.
On Mother?s Day, I enjoy
the extra attention like most mothers. But I recognize
that Ella?s birthmother?s personal sacrifice has become
our unbelievable joy. On Mother?s Day we light a candle
in her honor and, as when we adopted our daughter, we
implicitly vow that we will always love and cherish Ella
and provide her with the best possible future that we
can give her. We will keep her connected with her
cultural heritage and help her incorporate her Chinese
roots into her very American life.
Last year we began a
tradition of planting a lily in our garden in Ella?s
birthmother?s honor. This is something Ella can
participate in (very happily because she loves to dig in
the dirt) and a tradition we hope to continue every
year. After years of planting, this part of the garden
should be overflowing with blooms.
I must admit that most of
the year I do not think of Ella?s birthparents. The
hectic pace of everyday life gets in the way of
wondering too much about how Ella came to be in our
family. But in those occasional moments of
introspection, I find myself wondering what this early
loss will mean for my daughter and what this loss must
be like for her birthmother.
What I find difficult
accepting is that I cannot simply let her birthmother
know that her birth daughter is happy, healthy and
deeply loved. Like most 3-year-olds in the throes of
Toddler Dom, Ella is a wonder, exasperating us one
moment and delighting us the next.
Of course, my heart aches
most for my daughter, for I know there will be a time
when she will grapple emotionally with this loss and may
struggle with questions about identity. Like any mother,
I want to wrap her up in my arms and protect her from
anything painful. But I know that I cannot give her a
happily-ever-after ending in regards to her birthmother
or birth family; I can only listen and help her navigate
through the unanswerable questions about her early life.
This Mother?s Day I will
surely celebrate the joys and blessings of motherhood.
But, as a mother, I will also take pause to consider the
loss of Ella?s birthmother?a loss that must be
intertwined into our lives to fully understand the rich
fabric of our daughter?s beginning.
To find our how you
can adopt from our China adoption program
